I send this to You from a desert
Quite a distance away from civilization.
I chose to be here today
Because even I do not deserve the pleasures of the world
How much more—that I don’t deserve You.
It has been a long while since I talked to You.
I missed Your silence filled with understanding.
I missed the quiet reassurance You gave me
When I was at my end.
I am the worst sinner ever known
A careless backslider, one who hopelessly
Drowns in the depths of my own sins.
Almost beyond repair, my arm reaching out
Yet knowing that You are probably beyond my reach.
I know, then, that I must die.
Yet I fear death itself. The thought alone
Frightens me, more than anything.
But at the tender age of sixteen,
The only desire I had in mind
Was run into Your arms and leave
This world.
I have no dreams.
I don’t—and can’t—seem to long for money,
Clothes, food, school and jobs, and even people
Whom I can potentially love.
I have nothing and no one to desire.
But then I remembered--
Because I knew You existed, even up to today,
I never desired for such things.
Just knowing that You were there,
Kept me going with the most miniature of a hope
Flickering in my heart.
Still, even now, I couldn’t even think
About You. Even I do not deserve
To have You here in my sinful mind.
As of now, I have everything in this world.
But I know in my heart, I have nothing.
Because my door
Is still right in front of Your face.
I am scared that if I let You in again,
I’ll hurt You even more than now.
Because
If the stars disappeared, and the skies swallowed me whole,
And that the mountains shook, with the Earth
Dissolving into nothingness, until all of humankind
Cursed You for the things that have went and gone,
Until I reduce into a void unnoticeable even
To the demons around me,
Will I, then, still be able to say, “I love You”
The way I do today?
From
Quite a distance away from civilization.
I chose to be here today
Because even I do not deserve the pleasures of the world
How much more—that I don’t deserve You.
It has been a long while since I talked to You.
I missed Your silence filled with understanding.
I missed the quiet reassurance You gave me
When I was at my end.
I am the worst sinner ever known
A careless backslider, one who hopelessly
Drowns in the depths of my own sins.
Almost beyond repair, my arm reaching out
Yet knowing that You are probably beyond my reach.
I know, then, that I must die.
Yet I fear death itself. The thought alone
Frightens me, more than anything.
But at the tender age of sixteen,
The only desire I had in mind
Was run into Your arms and leave
This world.
I have no dreams.
I don’t—and can’t—seem to long for money,
Clothes, food, school and jobs, and even people
Whom I can potentially love.
I have nothing and no one to desire.
But then I remembered--
Because I knew You existed, even up to today,
I never desired for such things.
Just knowing that You were there,
Kept me going with the most miniature of a hope
Flickering in my heart.
Still, even now, I couldn’t even think
About You. Even I do not deserve
To have You here in my sinful mind.
As of now, I have everything in this world.
But I know in my heart, I have nothing.
Because my door
Is still right in front of Your face.
I am scared that if I let You in again,
I’ll hurt You even more than now.
Because
If the stars disappeared, and the skies swallowed me whole,
And that the mountains shook, with the Earth
Dissolving into nothingness, until all of humankind
Cursed You for the things that have went and gone,
Until I reduce into a void unnoticeable even
To the demons around me,
Will I, then, still be able to say, “I love You”
The way I do today?
From
Your slave, A sinner
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